You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
