My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
