Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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