An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
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