I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
two words: eviction party
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
