I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
