Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
After tacos, we're chasing women.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
