But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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