I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
