I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
