She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
