I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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