When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
40s are totally the cure
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
