I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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