You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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