is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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