i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
