Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
