I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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