Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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