She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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