He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
