Your tits are I can't wait for
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize