You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
