Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
