apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
