Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Randomize