I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
