i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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