this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
