Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
