I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
