Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
