Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize