His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
