And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize