I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
