I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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