we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
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