i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
