xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
