singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
