Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
she told me i tasted like america
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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