Don't make out with my wife yet
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
