i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He shit in the fireplace
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
