I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
