Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
