I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
