it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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