ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He shit in the fireplace
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
