I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
where does the pee come out of this thing
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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