Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
