my room smells like sperm. sweet.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
