I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Barsexuality is the new black.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize