you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
