I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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