its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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