worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Holy shit dude........stairs
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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