All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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