Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
