I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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