i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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