A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
