I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
