Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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