I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
