need another drink. this is the easiest way
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Is her dick bigger than yours?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
