we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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