I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
