So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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