I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
