Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(602): View more from Arizona

you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!

Fav 18 3548 1156
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(919): View more from North Carolina

I spit up blood this morning

(206): View more from Washington

That's vegas.

Fav 8 4095 1817
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(250): View more from British Columbia

Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.

Fav 21 1598 5136
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.

Fav 8 1257 2387
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(971): View more from Oregon

Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?

Fav 11 1018 3259
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(845): View more from New York

Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."

Fav 5 3076 1034
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(281): View more from Texas

A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.

Fav 3 1146 620
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(843): View more from South Carolina

its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain

Fav 0 36 9
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(830): View more from Texas

So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now

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