You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
